So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
