Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
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tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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