Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
