he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
