Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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