i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
