We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
