Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
