Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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