all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
