His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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