Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
