If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Someone came in the potted fern
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
