I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
