I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
