Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
