is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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