yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
