When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
