if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
