You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
