I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
