Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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