I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
