woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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