she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
17 Guys Share When Their Parents Found Their Porn Stash
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That accounts for only three of the penises
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra