Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.