Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?