I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.