Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
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My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life