Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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