My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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