Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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