My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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