Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize