Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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