Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize