god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
