you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
