CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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