32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
