I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
