If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
