I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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