my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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