Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
