dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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