can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
