I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
