Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
