This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
