So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
