I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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