Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
