hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
