Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
