I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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