This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
