you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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