to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
