Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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