margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
