; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
