the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
