i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
