So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
