Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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