my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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